Blog Series, Blogging A-Z, Family, Friends, Guest Post, LGBT, Mental Health, Relationships, Transition

S is for Stealth

Today’s post comes in the form of a guest post from Tyler. He wrote a post about being stealth a little while ago and has given me permission to repost it here, with the addition of some questions from me. I hope you enjoy the post as much as I did!


I was sparked on by Kai to make a post about being stealth or being open by their recent posts (Kai’s recent post) and how I felt it would affect me.

Well for starters I had always told myself that it would be so much easier to be stealth. Then I realised I “passed” terribly and thought fuck it, I might as well be who I really am, visibly queer.

Kai and I at the swimming pool pre-swim

Now there have been reasons for me choosing to be out as a trans masculine person, for starters on in a privileged position to be out. I’m white, i volunteer in safe spaces ,have friends that are queer and an online community that’s the fucking greatest. I am very grateful for having such a wonderful network.

Secondly, I’m not exactly binary. Whilst I strongly identify as male and use male pronouns, I appreciate my androgynous side and feel like I shouldn’t have to hide it. I am not female, and whilst I can do “feminine”  things, and look “femme” it is something I am not.

Thirdly, I am out because I have to be. I once made the mistake of trusting people and I’m fully aware that some of my nudes I have posted online are easily accessible. If I was to live “stealth” and considering my presence online, I know there would be people willing to out me at a heart beat. We all make mistakes, and that was certainly one of them. I don’t mind, I just know that they will probably get posted around at some point.

I don’t think I will ever be stealth, but I don’t know what the future brings. Maybe there won’t be a need to pass in the future, and that you could be who you want gender wise without any issues. Till then I will keep being visibly queer.

(Original post here)

Questions from Kai

Do you wish you could ever be stealth?
I don’t think I would ever want to be stealth, nor do I think I ever will be able to, because I am so visibly queer.

What are your main worries about being out?
Violence and assault if I’m honest. Also that people judge me because solely of my looks.

When it comes to meeting new people, particularly love interests, do you feel you should out yourself to them?
I feel like you should never have to out yourself. Personally, I out myself predominantly because I have no intention to have lower surgery and by doing so I negate some of the hassle. However I know some people cannot out themselves, and shouldn’t have to. There should always be options.

Do you think people should out themselves especially in a potential relationship setting? What about if they’ve fully transitioned?
I feel that it’s up to the individual and whether they feel safe about it.

Anything else you’d like to add?
No 😛

Thank you!

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post and thank you to Tyler for taking part in my A-Z Challenge. If you want to read his challenge, go over to his blog here! If you want to see more A-Z Challenge people click here! Tomorrow is Sunday so no A-Z Challenge but Ten Things of Thankful will be up so keep an eye out for it!


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