My regulars among you may have noticed my absence this past week, no Therapy Thursday post, no WotW, no TTOT, Musical Monday OR Trans Tuesday. I apologise for that. Here is my small explanation as to why.
I have been dealing with a lot this past week, something I will go into more on other posts, and last Friday I went along to TRAUMFRAU with Tyler. This is a queer feminist club night based in Brighton that varies in location. Tyler won tickets to their Halloween event on Friday night and as it was something we had been wanting to go to for a while now we figured it was worth checking it out.
As a disclaimer I just want to say how wonderful the organisers were, helping with ID issues and any concerns we had before the event. They even said Tyler could help with their confessional booth that night (he was dressed as a priest). That was wonderful, as were most people who attended.
However we realised it is perhaps not the event for us quite early on.
The theme was greatest fears and so Tyler and I had planned to both go as priests (after discussions on him going as a furby and myself as a spider, we realised they were harder to make). Unfortunately we got to the fancy dress store Friday (when I got paid) and they only had one costume of that left. I graciously allowed Tyler to use it and I found a Satan costume which was going to be fun!
The issue we faced was that it was a queer night. That is fine. However, Tyler spent most of the night being misgendered. He was come onto by many queer women who are into women and quickly avoided when he explained he was male, or in one case informed just how to ‘pass’ (something he is not overly concerned to get tips in… It is up to him how he presents, he shouldn’t have to conform to someone else’s ideas).
I then spent most of the night being avoided. I have passing privilege, something I am fully aware of. I pass as male. This is something I do benefit from greatly. I, as a result, do not appear queer, something I struggle with. I spent the night being seen as a cis male and as a result of many issues with cis males over the years I was avoided by most people through the night (which I do not feel any hatred towards anyone for). It was not a comfortable place for me, especially as someone who doesn’t identify as male.
At the end of the night, we had not drunk much (the drinks unfortunately being extortionate in price and not accessible for people at all), and ended up meeting up with a friend to hang out for a bit before going home in the early hours of the morning to chill for the rest of the day.
We had a chilled out Saturday, sleeping through most of Halloween, and only did eating and tidying on Sunday.
So while Traumfrau wasn’t for us, we realise it was a good night for those who were the right target audience (which seemed to be queer women who are into queer women or very flamboyant queer men). I do wish the group success in their future nights and we may visit again for the trans pride edition next year.
In terms of other things I have been dealing with this week, I will do more detailed posts over the next few days some of the things have affected my mental health.
I hope you are all doing well, please do leave me comments and let me know what you have been up to!