Trans Tuesday: Being in a Trans Relationship

Today is a guest post day! Not from me this time, but from my wonderful partner Tyler. He agreed to write a Trans Tuesday post about what it is like being the partner of a Trans person, while also being trans himself!

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Hello Kai’s readers!

I was asked to write a post about what its like to date someone who’s trans, but we realised that might pose an issue since I’m not cis. So instead it’s “What is it like to date someone who’s trans, when you yourself are also trans.”

When we first got together it was pretty easy. The only issues we ever faced was people calling us a lesbian couple, or people telling us that we wouldn’t last because transition is hard on partners.

Now for the first part. I have never identified as a lesbian. OK that’s a lie, during my teens and at periods of time where I struggled dealing with my bisexuality, I would say that I was a lesbian. But that was because I was questioning myself. But now, its certainly not the case. Gender expression and sexuality are two different things, and not always linked.

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Even this doesn't quite capture all of the variation's between sex and gender!

As for the other part. Well I’m still here, and I’m writing this guest post, however it hasn’t been easy, and at times I have felt like I have wanted to walk away from the relationship. But as I write this post, he is sleeping on me peacefully and it reminds me that no matter how rough we have had it at times, we are still happy.

When I started hormones it was a total nightmare, we were arguing all the time, and I was all over the place. Then when Kai started hormones it was worse. We were both so snappy with each other it was awful. About a year into hormones, and we had both levelled out and it was OK.

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The two of us before Kai's surgery!

Last December Kai got top surgery and as much as I was so proud of him and so happy, I was really jealous, because I still am yet to get top surgery. My chest has always been the biggest problem I have faced in “passing” because it’s so obvious, even when I do bind. I feel better about it now, but at the time it was really stressful for me.

As I said at the start, its difficult to date someone who’s trans, when you are as well, but at the same time its so much easier. He understands why I’m feeling what I am, and what’s going on in my head. Also we can share packers which comes in pretty handy sometimes.

I hope that this has been helpful and I hope that you have enjoyed this post.

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One good thing about us both is our mutual appreciation for food!
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